3. Realistic Optimism
Optimism is another key ingredient of resilience. The research on optimism is clear: optimistic people are happier, healthier, more productive, have better relationships, succeed more, are better problem solvers and are less likely to become depressed than pessimistic people. My colleagues and I have been studying optimism and resilience in school-aged children for over fifteen years. We have developed programs that teach children and adolescents critical optimism and resilience skills. Our research shows that kids can learn these skills and that optimism and resilience protect children against depression and anxiety. This is critical because at any one point in time as many as 10-19% of adolescents report moderate to high level symptoms of depression. Children and adolescents with high symptoms of depression are more likely than their peers to have academic difficulty, smoke cigarettes, abuse alcohol or other drugs and attempt suicide.

You notice, however, that I describe it as "realistic optimism." This is important. Resilience is not served by denying problems when they exist, believing that you never make mistakes, and blaming others whenever things go wrong. Resilience is about seeing yourself and situations as optimistically as you can-but within the bounds of reality. Realistic optimism keeps you shooting for the stars without losing sight of the ground below.

4. Flexible Thinking
Resilient children are flexible thinkers. They view problems from several different perspectives. When a resilient child has a fight with her best friend, she is able to view the situation from the friend's perspective as well as her own. When a resilient child doesn't do well on a test, he is able to come up with a variety of factors that might have lead to the poor outcome. Why does this matter? It matters because flexible thinking increases the likelihood that you'll be able to come up with solutions to the problem you're confronting. Flexible thinking means that you'll generate a number of different ways to handle the situation so, if your first solution doesn't work, you'll have a Plan B ready.

5. Self-Efficacy
A basic ingredient in resilience is belief in one's self: self-confidence. Resilient children believe that they are effective in the world. They have learned what their strengths and weaknesses are, and they rely on their strengths to navigate the challenges in life. For one child this might mean using his sense of humor to deal with stress; for another child it might mean using her creativity to come up with new ways to handle problems. But don't confuse self-efficacy with self-esteem. Self-esteem is about feeling good about one's self and self-efficacy is about effecting change in the world. The road to resilience is through self-efficacy, not self-esteem. If your child is confident and knows how to master what life throws in his path, self-esteem will follow.

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