It can be hard for parents to see their children upset, and it is common to have the impulse to cheer them up and help them to feel better. I know when one of my kids is sad, I want to do something, anything, to make the sadness go away. I've learned, however, that the need to cheer is often more about us - the parents - than it is about our children. You are concerned that your son is "bothered" when other kids are upset or sad and you are wondering whether this means he's too soft. These are your worries. Are they your son's? What does he say about it? If you haven't talked about it with him, perhaps this is an opportunity to do so. Ask him what he feels when he sees someone upset? What is he thinking? An ongoing challenge as parents is to separate our fears and worries from those of our children. And, in my experience, it isn't easy.

When I read your letter, the word that popped into my head was "empathy". Your son sounds like an empathetic child. He notices the emotional reactions of others and is affected by what he sees. Empathy is critical for strong friendships and family relationships and it motivates people to reach out and help others. Your son is a model of empathy and I see it as a great strength.

I recommend that you acknowledge his empathy and praise him for it. Of course, it is important that the praise be sincere, so you might first need to think more about your view of empathy and discover and explore what empathy means to you. If you value empathy and want to cultivate it in your son, you can say something like, "I can see that you feel upset when your friend is upset. That shows that you really care about your friend. I'm glad you care about your friend so much." You can further develop your son's empathy by helping him to use his empathy to guide his behavior. When he sees a friend upset - and feels upset too - help him to think of ways that he can comfort his friend. The goal isn't for your son to believe he has to solve other's problems. Instead, your son can further strengthen his friendships and family relationships by reaching out to people when he sees they are upset and letting them know that he notices how they are feeling.

My mother recently showed me a letter my sister wrote her when my sister was about six or seven. It said: "Dear Mom. I hate you. Love, Jennifer." That says it all! In that moment, my sister hated my mother. And she also loved her. That's how it goes.

It's never pleasant to hear our children express how angry they are at us, but it happens. How could it not? How many times a day do kids hear "no", "not now", "you can't", "sorry, but no"? I know that if I heard that many "nos" in a day, I'd feel really mad too. That's not to say that we should just start saying "yes" all the time. I point it out, however, to put your daughter's "I hate you" in perspective. In that moment, she might very well feel hate toward you. Your daughter - like all of us - doesn't like hearing that she can't do something that she wants to do. Your answer was reasonable, but that doesn't mean it is going to feel good to your daughter. She got mad because she wanted something and you wouldn't let her have it. Her anger is completely, totally normal and common. Kids have strong feelings toward their parents - love and anger among them - and those strong feelings are going to be expressed in lots of different ways.

Now, even though her anger is normal, that doesn't mean you will like or approve of how she expresses it. And learning how to express anger is critical. It sounds like you and your husband have different views on what are acceptable expressions of anger in your family. I bet, though, that you also agree in many areas (for example, most parents agree that it is not okay for children to hit their parents even if they are very angry). You might want to start by finding a quiet time to talk with your husband about his views on expressing anger and to share your own. When your daughter says "I hate you" what do you feel? What does your husband feel when she says it to him? What do you each want for your daughter around the expression of anger? Is screaming okay? How about punching a pillow? Or writing a note like the one my sister wrote to my mom? The more you explore, as a couple, what you are comfortable with and what your goals are, the easier it will be for you to work together as a team when it comes to helping your daughter develop her ability to express feelings.

Also, find a quiet time to talk with your daughter about the situation. It rarely makes sense to do that in the heat-of-the-moment. She is already very upset and it would be nearly impossible for a seven year old (or a 40-year-old!) to be able to explore her feelings when they are that strong. You can ask her what it felt like to her when you said she couldn't watch the program and give her the opportunity to share her feelings with you in a more controlled way. The more you can empathize with her feelings, the better. I often share stories with my children about experiences I had when I was their age so that they understand that I have gone through similar situations and know that it is hard. You can also discuss with your daughter other ways that she can express her anger so that she is building the skills of anger management.

Finally, expressing strong anger at one's parents can be scary for kids - even if they don't look scared in the moment. So remind your daughter how much you love her and that you always love her, even when she hates you.