Oh, do I feel your pain! My 3-year-old said to me yesterday, "When will you be all done working so that you are just mine?" Trust me, I was trotting out every resilience skill I know!

Like you, I sometimes feel guilty when my children want time with me and I am not able to give it to them because of work obligations. The first thing I do is to gain perspective by reminding myself of the time I do spend with them. I remind myself of the fun things we have done together recently and I take a moment to recall the times when I said no to professional opportunities because they would have taken too much of my time. This usually takes the edge off my guilt so that I don't panic and instead can focus on my child and what he or she is asking of me. (By the way, I don't recommend that you share your calming recollections with your child. Your child doesn't care that you turned down an invitation to an important conference so that you could be there for his school play. And by sharing this, you might inadvertently make him feel guilty. That's not the goal.)

Once you are feeling less guilty, it's time to really listen to your children. Ask them to tell you more about what they are feeling. What sorts of things do they miss doing with you? When do they miss you the most? What do they do when they miss you and you are not there? What does it mean to them that you work? Giving your children the opportunity to share their feelings with you is important. It shows them that you want to know how they are feeling, and that you will listen - even when what they are feeling might be uncomfortable for you to hear.

Next, it is time for problem solving. I think about both quality and quantity time. Kids need both from their parents. First, quality time: Every day I do my best to have some "work-free - no email, no phone, no thinking about work" time. Given technology it is possible to be connected to our work 24/7 and our kids need to know that they have time with us when they are our sole focus. So, although I am a multitasker, I make it my goal to have time every day when I take off all of the other hats I wear and just be Mom (I don't always succeed, mind you, but the more I practice this, the more present I feel). We all feel the difference when I do this. My kids and I feel more engaged and it is rejuvenating to all of us. So, ask yourself: What can I do to make sure that my children have some time with me each day where I am fully present and focusing on just them?

Second is quantity time. Quality time does not replace the need for quantity time. A great 45 minutes of togetherness does not replace the need for long stretches of being together. I make sure that every week there are some times when we are together for long stretches (even if the long stretches include grumpiness and errand running along with going to the park, playing board games, and reading.) Is there a day of the week that you can keep unscheduled so that you and your children have the opportunity to just hang out together and let the day unfold without lots of "to dos". If the answer is no, you might want to sit down with your children and talk about this and see if, as a family, you can figure out how to get more unstructured, open time together. You might all have to give up something to make this happen!

Being able to perform well when under pressure is a strength and it's one that many kids and adults wish they could further develop. It sounds like your son enjoys challenges and finds them motivating and exciting. Have you talked with him about what he likes about challenges and pressure? What a fun conversation to have!

Many people feel at their best when they are in situations that require them to use a strength or talent to its fullest. When people are in this mode, time passes quickly because they are fully engaged in the task. When the challenge outstrips skills, people often feel anxious and when situations are not challenging enough, boredom sets in. Encouraging your child to seek out appropriate challenges will be engaging for him and builds resilience — nothing promotes an "I can do it" attitude better than experiencing oneself surmounting a challenge.

This doesn't mean, however, that you want to always raise the bar and create ever growing challenges. It is also valuable to learn how to enjoy and engage in experiences that are not about "performance" or doing well - just going with the flow. We all need moments in the day when we are doing things just out of the pleasure of the experience, not motivated by a need to succeed. So sure, go ahead and help your son to enjoy his strength of "rising to the occasion" but also create opportunities for him to savor simple experiences as well — listening to music, or playing a game (not to win, just to have fun), or hanging out with you.