At age 5 there are lots of things your son can't do, particularly compared to an older sibling. His awareness that certain activities or tasks require more than he has the skill for is a sign of his growing awareness of the world and others. The challenge for you is not to convince him that he can do anything and everything — no one can — but to help him to find enjoyment in the process of building his skills. I always recommend starting with a strength — it is much easier (and more fun) to get better at something you are already a little good at than it is to get good at something you are not good at yet. You mention that he seems to shy away from verbal or language-oriented activities — don't start there. For now, the goal is to help him learn to enjoy challenge — later you can broaden the challenges to include areas outside his comfort zone but that's not a priority initially. Pick something your child likes to do and has some talent in (whether it be sports, drawing, music, dance) and begin to find ways to increase the challenge of that activity. For example, if he enjoys kicking around a ball, take some time in the yard and construct an obstacle course for him to kick the ball through. Start with large spaces that are easy for him to get the ball through and make them more narrow as the course progresses. It will be more helpful to him if you praise his effort and how he kicks the ball than if you praise him doing it well. So say things like: "You look like you are having fun out there (if he is)," or "Wow, you really kicked that ball hard," or "I like how you circled back and kicked the ball a second time." When you praise his effort and how he approaches a task, rather than the outcome, you are teaching your child that the process of learning and developing is what matters most. And this is just what taking risks is all about.

Optimism is an important skill for children and adults. It's great that you already see optimism as something you can help your daughter to learn. And yes, there are some strategies you can use to help your child to develop her optimism. The fact is, many of us pay more attention to the bad stuff than the good stuff that happens each day. A simple way to get started is to work together with your daughter to "hunt for the good stuff." For younger children, you can quite literally go on a "good stuff" scavenger hunt in which you take a walk around your neighborhood and write down anything positive you notice — someone picking up trash and putting it in the trash can, a person helping another person carry some packages, the warm smile that the shopkeeper gave you when you walked in the store. For older children (as well as young), you can ask them to write on a slip of paper something good that happened that day and to put it in a shoe box that you keep on the dinner table (or any other location you congregate around). Every few days, take turns pulling out one of the pieces of paper and reading it aloud. Be curious about the good thing to show your children that you have an interest in talking about, and exploring, the good stuff in life, not just the bad stuff.